As an overthinker, it is usual in my daily routine to think and sweat about the small stuff. All those trivial what-if’s and maybe’s come to life right in front of me unconsciously, leaving me wondering all my life.
I think about instances that are not happening. At first, I was in denial. I couldn’t categorize gut-feeling from anxiety. It’s a messed up kind of relationship and these two really have to separate. So, I decided one day to separate my instincts from the worries which are unreal.
You see, I have experienced series of headaches from overthinking. It made me sleepy even during my work hours. It is kind of exhausting and it deteriorates my healthy lifestyle. Yes, our brain is part of our health hence, mental health is how we know it. I never thought it would come that far – my anxiety affecting my physical activities.
I had a lot of excuses – “I know one day I’ll get over this. I just have to meditate somewhere peaceful.“; “I just need some time alone to focus on my well-being.“; “I need someone to sympathize on my situation.” Until one day, something had snapped and woke me up to reality – “You got to live your life and it should start within you. No one else will help you but yourself. You need somebody but you must first need yourself to love you.”
These worries and unrealistic probabilities that my mind makes up every damn day are tiresome. Situations that are not actually happening keep messing up my head. Screams of wild imagination amplify as my brain captures every wave they resonate. They are disturbing and draining. One day, I just got exhausted. I quit.
Yes, I quit from worrying the things that are not happening and began to have faith in what the universe might give me. I began to open myself to reality and respond normally to every situation that needs to be acted upon. I began to live.
Now, I am alive again.